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Seems we struck a nerve with our first issue. We've been walloped with letters and emails from you guys, spilling your guts about any number of issues important to you. The most common thing though, the one you all punched the sky in unison for? Cull the wine wanker. All well and good I thought, the world needs less of them.
But then I asked myself the question, you know, really furrowed my brow, and had a good look around; who is the wine wanker, what does he look like and where does he hang out? I looked at bosses and colleagues, school mates and cell mates, friends and foe, lovers and fighters. And then it hit me like an eccy on an empty stomach - we, yep, you and me kiddo, are the biggest tossers that ever wrapped our laughing gear around anything. You see, what they do, and we do but think we don't, are exactly the same things, just packaged differently. The process of identifying and describing the colours, smells and feel of food and drink, which is what wine tasting is all about, is something we do often. Think of your last visit to the hairdresser. There you are latte in front, head still buzzing from the crazy massage the first year apprentice just gave you, thumbing though the lush Euro mags and talking with your colourist about what shades of blonde he should make you. Did anyone cry wanker at you when you said "more honey than blonde, with a few muted brown tones, but not too chocolate. Please no platinum, that's so tasteless." Did you even pull yourself up when you heard yourself? Thought as much. And it's not just the coloured who fall victim to this. The most ocker, beer-swilling grog monsters out there are into it as well. Some of the greatest arguments between friends and family are over religion, will entitlement and what makes good beer. Blokes think they're just being blokey when they argue that VB tastes just like a bunch of chemicals, or that Stella is for girls because it looks too light and you may as well drink a girls drink 'cause that what it is anyway. Besides, it's a chicks name and you wouldn't go drink a can of something called Debbie would you? But at the end of the day, it's all about taste. And those arguments are essentially battling out the same points of contention, personal preference and opinion as some of the most academic wine experts in the world. To say "great wine, lifted fruits, nicely balanced and very full on the mid-palate, finishing with a frisky acid kick" is just the same as he who cries "Top drop eh? Bloody knock your socks off all that flavour. Dunno about the funny aftertaste, but." There's no denying the length to which some people will go is not healthy. Watch any of the cooking shows on telly and you'd reckon those old dears would open a Royal Commission over the type of olive oil they're gonna cook with. Those gourmets are extreme yes, and were they this passionate about washing their hands, it'd be called a disorder, but what about the things you just can't go without? Gotta have a special type of muesli in the morning or else you're all over the shop for the rest of the day? Surely that's showing the same degree of passion for your ingredients as those who are loyal to the death over the brand of olive oil they cook with? Coffee is another example where it's cool to inconvenience everyone else just so you can get a 'proper' one. If it's your thing, you do it. Passionate people are everywhere, they're into everything, not just wine. And language that's specific to a hobby always excludes those who don't know. Describing something as berry and spice makes a hell of a lot more sense than a backhand reverse 360 aerial. Or does it? It's what you know and what you're into. Hey I'm not defending anyone here, a goose is a goose no matter what they're into and wine wankers do exist, but I reckon you chuck that person into any hobby and they'd turn out the same. That's not wine's fault. Lets not tarnish this exciting path of discovery, adventure and flat out pleasure that wine can take us on, just 'cause there're a few who don't know when to shoosh. Andrea Frost |